{"id":86255,"date":"2019-10-12T16:16:08","date_gmt":"2019-10-12T12:16:08","guid":{"rendered":""},"modified":"-0001-11-30T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"-0001-11-29T20:00:00","slug":"","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ucnoqta.az\/?p=86255","title":{"rendered":"\u201cAnam dedi ki, arzum budur, Allah s\u0259n\u0259 \u00f6vlad verm\u0259sin\u201d<\/b><\/font>"},"content":{"rendered":"

Bahar L\u0259tifq\u0131z\u0131: “Heç vaxt ata haqq\u0131nda mu\u011fam oxuya bilm\u0259r\u0259m”<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u018fsas\u0259n ana haqq\u0131nda oxuyanda duy\u011fular\u0131m qar\u0131\u015f\u0131r. Oxuyuram, amma ifamda bir kövr\u0259klik hiss olunur. Lakin o da bir göz\u0259llik g\u0259tirir. Çünki, mu\u011fam\u0131 n\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r ruhla oxusan, ona n\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r yan\u011f\u0131 vers\u0259n, bir o q\u0259d\u0259r göz\u0259l al\u0131nar. “Üç nöqt\u0259” q\u0259zetinin qona\u011f\u0131 mü\u011f\u0259nni Bahar L\u0259tifq\u0131z\u0131d\u0131r.<\/p>\n

– “Gec\u0259l\u0259r, ay gec\u0259l\u0259r”… Mahn\u0131da gec\u0259l\u0259r\u0259 müraci\u0259tinizd\u0259, sanki, bir yalvar\u0131\u015f duy\u011fusu var. Bu yalvar\u0131\u015f\u0131n s\u0259b\u0259bi n\u0259dir?<\/strong>
\n– U\u015faql\u0131qda anam m\u0259nim üçün yatmazdan önc\u0259 laylay çalard\u0131 v\u0259 “gec\u0259l\u0259r”i ifa ed\u0259rdi. T\u0259bii ki, sözl\u0259rini tam bilmirdi. Mü\u0259yy\u0259n ill\u0259rd\u0259n sonra ki, m\u0259n internata qoyuldum, orada art\u0131q anam v\u0259 mahn\u0131n\u0131 oxuyan yox idi. Özüm bu mahn\u0131n\u0131 oxuyub özüm\u0259 laylay çal\u0131rd\u0131m. Olsun ki, o günl\u0259rimin v\u0259 anadan ayr\u0131 qalma\u011f\u0131m\u0131n yan\u011f\u0131s\u0131d\u0131r, mahn\u0131da duyulur. Allah m\u0259n\u0259 s\u0259s verib. M\u0259n d\u0259 o mahn\u0131n\u0131 q\u0259rara g\u0259ldim ki, bu s\u0259sl\u0259 oxuyum. Çünki, “Gec\u0259l\u0259r” m\u0259nim internat günl\u0259rimin ifad\u0259sidir.<\/p>\n

– “M\u0259n h\u0259s\u0259d apar\u0131ram, yatanlara gec\u0259l\u0259r”. Gec\u0259l\u0259ri özünüzl\u0259 t\u0259k-t\u0259nha çox qalm\u0131s\u0131n\u0131z?<\/strong>
\n– B\u0259li. Bunu çox demi\u015f\u0259m, arzum o idi ki, valideynl\u0259rimin yan\u0131nda yat\u0131m. S\u0259h\u0259r duranda onlar\u0131 görüm, yem\u0259yi onlar m\u0259n\u0259 versin. \u0130nternat n\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r yax\u015f\u0131 olsa da, valideyn n\u0259vazi\u015finin, sevgisinin yerini vermir. Ata v\u0259 ana övlad üçün h\u0259r \u015fey dem\u0259kdir. H\u0259l\u0259 ki, s\u0259n u\u015faqsansa, bu tamamil\u0259 ba\u015fqa bir hiss olur. \u0130nternatda olanda, gec\u0259l\u0259ri t\u0259nha qalanda deyirdim ki, ka\u015f evimd\u0259 olayd\u0131m.<\/p>\n

– Bahar xan\u0131m, dü\u015fünc\u0259l\u0259riniz içind\u0259 keçmi\u015fl\u0259 ba\u011fl\u0131 m\u0259qamlar ola bilm\u0259z ki, yer almas\u0131n. H\u0259min anlar gözününüz önünd\u0259 canlananda hans\u0131 hissl\u0259ri keçirirsiniz?<\/strong>
\n\"\"– Q\u0259h\u0259r bo\u011fur sad\u0259c\u0259, q\u0259h\u0259rl\u0259nir\u0259m. Çal\u0131\u015f\u0131ram ki, kövr\u0259lm\u0259yim. Bir d\u0259 görürsünüz, bir m\u0259clisd\u0259y\u0259m, bir t\u0259dbird\u0259y\u0259m, hans\u0131sa mahn\u0131n\u0131 ifa ed\u0259nd\u0259 h\u0259min an keçmi\u015fimi xat\u0131rlay\u0131ram. Onda do\u011frudan da gözl\u0259rim dolur. Özü d\u0259 tez-tez. \u0130nsan var ki, bu günü xo\u015f keçir v\u0259 keçmi\u015fini yada salm\u0131r. Amma m\u0259nim el\u0259 bir günüm yoxdur ki, keçmi\u015fim yad\u0131ma dü\u015fm\u0259sin. M\u0259s\u0259l\u0259n, t\u0259z\u0259 bir paltar geyin\u0259nd\u0259 deyir\u0259m ki, ay Allah, s\u0259n\u0259 çox \u015fükür. N\u0259 yax\u015f\u0131 ki, geyimim var, yem\u0259yim, isti oca\u011f\u0131m var. Keçmi\u015fd\u0259 bunlar\u0131n heç biri yox idi. \u015eükür ki, indi onlara sahib\u0259m.<\/p>\n

– Heç u\u015faql\u0131qda dü\u015fünürdünüz ki, ç\u0259tin anlar bit\u0259c\u0259k?<\/strong>
\n– Bir \u015fey\u0259 inan\u0131rd\u0131m, m\u0259n mü\u011f\u0259nni olacam. Dü\u015fünmürdüm ki, \u0259ziyy\u0259tl\u0259rim olacaq ya yox, amma q\u0259tiyy\u0259tl\u0259 mü\u011f\u0259nni kimi f\u0259aliyy\u0259t göst\u0259r\u0259c\u0259yimi qar\u015f\u0131ma m\u0259qs\u0259d qoymu\u015fdum v\u0259 bu gün m\u0259n Bahar L\u0259tifq\u0131z\u0131yam.<\/p>\n

– Bilirik ki, siz bu s\u0259n\u0259td\u0259 layiqli yer tutmaq, y\u0259ni Bahar xan\u0131m L\u0259tifq\u0131z\u0131 kimi formala\u015fmaq üçün çox \u0259ziyy\u0259tl\u0259r ç\u0259kmisiniz. Qar\u015f\u0131n\u0131zda mane\u0259 rolunu oynayan insanlar olubmu?<\/strong>
\n– B\u0259lk\u0259 d\u0259 olub, m\u0259n bilm\u0259mi\u015f\u0259m, dey\u0259 bilm\u0259r\u0259m. Bir insan\u0131 h\u0259r k\u0259s ist\u0259y\u0259 bilm\u0259z. Ola bil\u0259r, m\u0259nim hans\u0131sa bir h\u0259r\u0259k\u0259tim, auram kimins\u0259 xo\u015funa g\u0259lm\u0259z. M\u0259n m\u0259cbur dey\u0259 bilm\u0259r\u0259m ki, m\u0259ni sevin. B\u0259lk\u0259 d\u0259 el\u0259 insan var ki, deyir, Bahar heç bu s\u0259n\u0259td\u0259 olmas\u0131n. Amma m\u0259nim pisliyimi ist\u0259y\u0259n insanlarla rastla\u015fmam\u0131\u015fam. Yen\u0259 d\u0259 deyir\u0259m, b\u0259lk\u0259 d\u0259 var, m\u0259n bilmir\u0259m. Bilirsiniz, m\u0259n ümum\u0259n pis insanda bel\u0259 yax\u015f\u0131 \u0259m\u0259li görm\u0259y\u0259 çal\u0131\u015f\u0131ram dey\u0259, ola bilsin, h\u0259r k\u0259si da yax\u015f\u0131 san\u0131ram.<\/p>\n

– H\u0259yat\u0131n eni\u015fli-yoxu\u015flu olmas\u0131 insan\u0131 daxil\u0259n z\u0259nginl\u0259\u015fdirir, onun t\u0259crüb\u0259l\u0259rini art\u0131r\u0131r. Bu t\u0259crüb\u0259l\u0259r siz\u0259 bu gün köm\u0259k edirmi?<\/strong>
\n– M\u0259n o h\u0259yat d\u0259rsini keçm\u0259s\u0259ydim, bu gün b\u0259zi \u015feyl\u0259ri oldu\u011fu kimi d\u0259rk ed\u0259 bilm\u0259zdim. M\u0259nim yet\u0259rinc\u0259 savad\u0131m olmasa bel\u0259 (Düzdür, xan\u0259nd\u0259lik üzr\u0259 t\u0259hsilim var. M\u0259n burada fizika, kimya v\u0259 s. f\u0259nl\u0259ri n\u0259z\u0259rd\u0259 tuturam) keçdiyim o yollarda qazand\u0131\u011f\u0131m t\u0259crüb\u0259l\u0259r m\u0259nim Bahar kimi özümü ifad\u0259 etm\u0259yimd\u0259 çox köm\u0259k edir. Bundan sonra m\u0259n hans\u0131sa eni\u015f\u0259 dü\u015fs\u0259m, h\u0259tta yenid\u0259n yoxsullu\u011fun n\u0259 dem\u0259k oldu\u011funu görs\u0259m, inan\u0131ram ki, ya\u015faya bil\u0259r\u0259m. Çünki, m\u0259n o ç\u0259tinlikl\u0259ri görmü\u015f\u0259m v\u0259 o hissl\u0259r m\u0259n\u0259 yad deyil.<\/p>\n

– Mu\u011fam sizin üçün n\u0259 dem\u0259kdir?<\/strong>
\n\"\"– Mu\u011fam Az\u0259rbaycan musiqisind\u0259, inc\u0259s\u0259n\u0259tind\u0259 d\u0259rin bir d\u0259ryad\u0131r. Ora ba\u015f vurdunsa, onun sirl\u0259rinin iç\u0259risind\u0259 itib bat\u0131rsan. Y\u0259ni, mu\u011fam bir d\u0259f\u0259 öyr\u0259nm\u0259kl\u0259 bitmir. Onu h\u0259r zaman öyr\u0259nirs\u0259n. Düzdür, m\u0259n xan\u0259nd\u0259liyi bitirmi\u015f\u0259m, amma bu gün s\u0131rf xan\u0259nd\u0259 kimi f\u0259aliyy\u0259t göst\u0259rmir\u0259m. Oxuyuram, laz\u0131m olanda “\u015eahnaz” mu\u011fam\u0131, “Mirz\u0259 Hüseyn” segah\u0131 v\u0259 s. ifa edir\u0259m. Amma tam \u015f\u0259kild\u0259 mu\u011famda deyil\u0259m. Mü\u0259llimim Can\u0259li \u018fkb\u0259rov h\u0259r zaman deyirdi v\u0259 bu gün bel\u0259 vur\u011fulay\u0131r ki, m\u0259n mu\u011fam\u0131 bu q\u0259d\u0259r bilir\u0259m, lakin onun d\u0259rinliyi çoxdur, yen\u0259 d\u0259 öyr\u0259nm\u0259liy\u0259m.<\/p>\n

– Mu\u011fam\u0131 ifa ed\u0259rk\u0259n hissl\u0259riniz. Bunu nec\u0259 ifad\u0259 ed\u0259 bil\u0259rsiniz?<\/strong>
\n– \u018fsas\u0259n ana haqq\u0131nda oxuyanda duy\u011fular\u0131m qar\u0131\u015f\u0131r. Oxuyuram, amma ifamda bir kövr\u0259klik hiss olunur. Lakin o da bir göz\u0259llik g\u0259tirir. Çünki, mu\u011fam\u0131 n\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r ruhla oxusan, ona n\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r yan\u011f\u0131 vers\u0259n, bir o q\u0259d\u0259r göz\u0259l al\u0131nar. Bildiyiniz kimi m\u0259n ata haqq\u0131nda mu\u011fam oxumam\u0131\u015fam v\u0259 heç vaxt da ata haqq\u0131nda mu\u011fam oxuya bilm\u0259r\u0259m. Çünki, m\u0259n atan\u0131n n\u0259 oldu\u011funu n\u0259 duymu\u015fam, n\u0259 d\u0259 hiss etmi\u015f\u0259m. \u0130st\u0259mir\u0259m, bu haqda söhb\u0259t\u0259 davam edim.<\/p>\n

– El\u0259 is\u0259 övladlar\u0131n\u0131zdan dan\u0131\u015faq. Onlara q\u0259d\u0259r h\u0259yat\u0131n\u0131z nec\u0259 idi, onlardan sonra nec\u0259 oldu?<\/strong>
\n– M\u0259nim 14 il övlad\u0131m olmay\u0131b. H\u0259min dövrl\u0259rd\u0259 h\u0259kiml\u0259r\u0259 bel\u0259 gedirdim. Onlar deyirdi ki, Allah vermir, heç bir problem yoxdur. O sözü ki, e\u015fitdim, Allah vermir, dedim ki, ey Allah, n\u0259 olar m\u0259ni d\u0259 yad\u0131na sal. Dözdüm v\u0259 14 il sonra ana oldum. Bunu da \u0259lav\u0259 edim. Deyirl\u0259r, atan\u0131n qar\u011f\u0131\u015f\u0131 tutur, anan\u0131n yox, amma bel\u0259 deyil. Anan\u0131n da qar\u011f\u0131\u015f\u0131 tutur. Bir d\u0259f\u0259 anama dedim ki, s\u0259n yax\u015f\u0131 ana olsayd\u0131n, m\u0259ni internata qoymazd\u0131n. Bu sözd\u0259n sonra anam\u0131n ür\u0259yi getdi. Ay\u0131landa sakit t\u0259rzd\u0259 bir cüml\u0259 dedi: “M\u0259ni q\u0131nad\u0131n, arzum budur, Allah s\u0259n\u0259 övlad verm\u0259sin”. Siz inan\u0131rs\u0131n\u0131z, m\u0259n neç\u0259 il onun \u0259ziyy\u0259tini ç\u0259kdim. Bir gün anamgil\u0259 getmi\u015fdim. Anam divanda \u0259yl\u0259\u015fmi\u015fdi. Dizimi yer\u0259 qoyub dedim ki, ay ana, m\u0259n\u0259 içd\u0259n dua et. Dua et ki, Allah m\u0259n\u0259 övlad versin. Anam a\u011flad\u0131, ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 s\u0131\u011fallad\u0131, ür\u0259kl\u0259 xeyir-dua verdi. 4 ay sonra bildim ki, ana olacam. Ana olana q\u0259d\u0259r m\u0259n bu hissi bilmirdim, ana olandan sonra anal\u0131q n\u0259dir, bilir\u0259m.<\/p>\n

– Övladlar\u0131n\u0131zdan hans\u0131sa biri sizin yolunuzu davam etdirm\u0259k fikrind\u0259dirmi?<\/strong>
\n– \u018fslind\u0259, tam s\u0259mimi ist\u0259mir\u0259m, heç biri olsun. Böyük q\u0131z\u0131ma m\u0259nsiz sual vers\u0259niz, dey\u0259c\u0259k ki, n\u0259 anam qoymaz, n\u0259 d\u0259 özüm ist\u0259mir\u0259m. Ç\u0259tinliyi çoxdur. Düzdür, \u0259limiz t\u0259mizdir. Amma çox \u0259ziyy\u0259tlidir. Ona gör\u0259 d\u0259 oxuyub ya mü\u0259llim, ya h\u0259kim, ya da ba\u015fqa bir s\u0259n\u0259t\u0259 yiy\u0259l\u0259nsinl\u0259r.<\/p>\n

– Bahar xan\u0131m bel\u0259 bir sual verim. Özünüz üçün hans\u0131 ç\u0259rçiv\u0259l\u0259ri mü\u0259yy\u0259n etmisiniz?<\/strong>
\n– Çox aç\u0131q-saç\u0131q geyin\u0259 bilm\u0259r\u0259m. Özüm ist\u0259mir\u0259m. Art\u0131q bu xasiyy\u0259tim prodüsserim V\u0259faya da keçib. H\u0259tta q\u0131zlar\u0131m da m\u0259ni qapal\u0131 geyimd\u0259 görm\u0259k ist\u0259yirl\u0259r. M\u0259s\u0259l\u0259n, evd\u0259 olur ki, bir az aç\u0131q geyinir\u0259m, böyük q\u0131z\u0131m deyir ki, ana bu geyimini b\u0259y\u0259nm\u0259dim. Dost seçimind\u0259 özüm\u0259 qada\u011falar\u0131m var. H\u0259r k\u0259si \u0259traf\u0131ma buraxa bilm\u0259r\u0259m. S\u0259n\u0259timl\u0259 ba\u011fl\u0131 is\u0259 m\u0259n rock oxuya bilm\u0259r\u0259m.<\/p>\n

– \u0130nc\u0259s\u0259n\u0259td\u0259 olan xan\u0131mlar h\u0259r zaman qay\u011f\u0131, sevgi ist\u0259yirl\u0259r. H\u0259yat yolda\u015f\u0131n\u0131z bu bax\u0131mdan sizi anlaya bilirmi?<\/strong>
\n– Çox, anlay\u0131r. T\u0259k m\u0259n\u0259 qar\u015f\u0131 yox, övladlar\u0131ma qar\u015f\u0131 da diqq\u0259tcildir. M\u0259nim böyük q\u0131z\u0131m ikinci h\u0259yat yolda\u015f\u0131mdand\u0131r, kiçik is\u0259 üçüncüd\u0259n. Amma övladlar\u0131m aras\u0131nda heç bir f\u0259rqi qoymur. H\u0259tta böyüy\u0259 daha çox diqq\u0259t göst\u0259rir.<\/p>\n

– Bahar xan\u0131m, qar\u015f\u0131l\u0131qs\u0131z sev\u0259 bil\u0259rsiniz?<\/strong>
\n– Xeyr. Çünki, o zaman insan özünü aldatm\u0131\u015f olar. Mütl\u0259q ki, qar\u015f\u0131 t\u0259r\u0259fd\u0259n s\u0259n sevgi görm\u0259lis\u0259n. Dü\u015fünür\u0259m ki, qar\u015f\u0131l\u0131qs\u0131z heç bir zaman v\u0259 heç bir halda sev\u0259 bilm\u0259r\u0259m.<\/p>\n

– Hans\u0131 \u015f\u0259raitd\u0259 v\u0259 hans\u0131 m\u0259qamda insan\u0131 h\u0259yat\u0131n\u0131zdan sil\u0259 bil\u0259rsiniz?<\/strong>
\n– Silm\u0259k… Maraql\u0131 suald\u0131r. Bils\u0259m ki, m\u0259nim özüm\u0259, övlad\u0131ma, ail\u0259m\u0259 qar\u015f\u0131 x\u0259yan\u0259t var, o zaman sil\u0259r\u0259m. Amma \u0259traf\u0131ma el\u0259 insan\u0131 da buraxm\u0131ram ki, m\u0259n\u0259 x\u0259yan\u0259t etsin.<\/p>\n

– H\u0259r zaman \u0259traf\u0131n\u0131zda yax\u015f\u0131 insanlar\u0131n olmas\u0131 arzusu il\u0259. Çox sa\u011folun ki, d\u0259v\u0259timizi q\u0259bul edib g\u0259ldiniz. Minn\u0259tdaram.<\/strong>
\n– Ba\u015fda Xo\u015fq\u0259d\u0259m xan\u0131m Hiday\u0259tq\u0131z\u0131 olmaqla h\u0259r biriniz\u0259 t\u0259\u015f\u0259kkürümü bildirir\u0259m.<\/p>\n

Röv\u015f\u0259n Tahir
\nFotolar: Elgün Calalzad\u0259<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Bahar L\u0259tifq\u0131z\u0131: “Heç vaxt ata haqq\u0131nda mu\u011fam oxuya bilm\u0259r\u0259m” \u018fsas\u0259n ana haqq\u0131nda oxuyanda duy\u011fular\u0131m qar\u0131\u015f\u0131r. Oxuyuram, amma ifamda bir kövr\u0259klik hiss olunur. Lakin o da bir göz\u0259llik g\u0259tirir. Çünki, mu\u011fam\u0131…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":251278,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_lmt_disableupdate":"","_lmt_disable":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[94],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-86255","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-musahibe"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ucnoqta.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/86255","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ucnoqta.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ucnoqta.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ucnoqta.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ucnoqta.az\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=86255"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/ucnoqta.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/86255\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ucnoqta.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/251278"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ucnoqta.az\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=86255"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ucnoqta.az\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=86255"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ucnoqta.az\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=86255"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}