{"id":72364,"date":"2018-12-12T20:16:22","date_gmt":"2018-12-12T16:16:22","guid":{"rendered":""},"modified":"-0001-11-30T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"-0001-11-29T20:00:00","slug":"","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ucnoqta.az\/?p=72364","title":{"rendered":"\u201cValideynl\u0259r bil\u0259r\u0259kd\u0259n, yaxud bilm\u0259y\u0259r\u0259kd\u0259n \u00f6vladlar\u0131na yalan dan\u0131\u015f\u0131rlar\u201d<\/b><\/font>"},"content":{"rendered":"

Aydan N\u0259z\u0259rova: “U\u015fa\u011f\u0131n yalan dan\u0131\u015fmas\u0131n\u0131n s\u0259b\u0259bi aradan qald\u0131r\u0131lmal\u0131d\u0131r”<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u018fg\u0259r valideyn övlad\u0131n\u0131n yalan dan\u0131\u015fd\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 gör\u0259rs\u0259, heç vaxt ona, “ s\u0259n yalan dan\u0131\u015f\u0131rsan, bunu yalan dedin, tez ol düzünü de” kimi ifad\u0259l\u0259r i\u015fl\u0259tm\u0259m\u0259lidir. Ümumiyy\u0259tl\u0259, u\u015faqla söhb\u0259t zaman\u0131 yalan sözünü istifad\u0259 etm\u0259m\u0259liyik: “U\u015faq gör\u0259c\u0259k ki, valideyni onun yalan dan\u0131\u015fd\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 tutdu v\u0259 bundan sonra daha da professional yalan dan\u0131\u015fma\u011fa çal\u0131\u015facaq v\u0259 mük\u0259mm\u0259l yalanlar fikirl\u0259\u015f\u0259c\u0259k”. <\/p>\n

Bu sözl\u0259ri biziml\u0259 söhb\u0259tind\u0259 “Üç nöqt\u0259” q\u0259zetinin qona\u011f\u0131, “Nar\u0131nc” U\u015faq Psixologiya M\u0259rk\u0259zinin ba\u015f m\u0259sl\u0259h\u0259tçisi v\u0259 ba\u015f psixoloqu Aydan N\u0259z\u0259rova dedi.<\/p>\n

– U\u015faqlar\u0131n yalan dan\u0131\u015fmas\u0131na ba\u015fl\u0131ca s\u0259b\u0259b n\u0259l\u0259rdir? <\/strong>
\n– \u0130lk növb\u0259d\u0259 onu vur\u011fulay\u0131m ki, ümumiyy\u0259tl\u0259 yalan dan\u0131\u015fmaq do\u011fru say\u0131lm\u0131r v\u0259 xo\u015fag\u0259lm\u0259z bir hald\u0131r. U\u015faqlar\u0131n yalan dan\u0131\u015fmas\u0131n\u0131n bir neç\u0259 s\u0259b\u0259bl\u0259ri vard\u0131r. Bunlardan biri ata v\u0259 anan\u0131n, h\u0259r hans\u0131 bir ail\u0259 üzvünün, yaxud u\u015fa\u011fa baxan day\u0259l\u0259rin davaml\u0131 \u015f\u0259kild\u0259 yalan dan\u0131\u015fmas\u0131 ola bil\u0259r. Valideynl\u0259r bil\u0259r\u0259kd\u0259n, yaxud bilm\u0259y\u0259r\u0259kd\u0259n övladlar\u0131na yalan dan\u0131\u015f\u0131rlar.<\/p>\n

– Valideynl\u0259rin övladlar\u0131na yalan v\u0259dl\u0259r verm\u0259si onlar\u0131 yalan dan\u0131\u015fma\u011fa zövq etmirmi?<\/strong>
\n– T\u0259bii ki, bu hal davaml\u0131 olaraq t\u0259krarlanarsa u\u015faqlar\u0131 yalan dan\u0131\u015fma\u011fa sövq ed\u0259 bil\u0259r. Misal üçün, ail\u0259 h\u0259r hans\u0131 qohum-tan\u0131\u015f evin\u0259 qonaq gedir. U\u015faq orda özünü pis aparanda valideyn deyir ki, özünü yax\u015f\u0131 apar, burdan ç\u0131xanda s\u0259ni parka aparaca\u011fam, yaxud s\u0259n\u0259 oyuncaq alaca\u011fam. U\u015faq da bunu dü\u015fün\u0259r\u0259k valideynin dediyin\u0259 \u0259m\u0259l edir v\u0259 qonaql\u0131qdan ç\u0131xark\u0259n parka ged\u0259c\u0259kl\u0259rini, yaxud  ona h\u0259diyy\u0259 al\u0131naca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 gözl\u0259yir. Amma t\u0259\u0259ssüf ki, valideyn verdiyi söz\u0259 \u0259m\u0259l etmir. Bu da u\u015faqda inams\u0131zl\u0131q yarad\u0131r.<\/p>\n

–  Bel\u0259 ç\u0131x\u0131r ki, u\u015faqlar\u0131m\u0131za yalan dan\u0131\u015fma\u011f\u0131 el\u0259 valideynl\u0259r özl\u0259ri öyr\u0259dir? <\/strong>
\n\"\"– N\u0259inki valideynl\u0259rin, h\u0259mçinin day\u0259l\u0259rin, yaxud dig\u0259r \u015f\u0259xsl\u0259rin u\u015fa\u011fa yalan dan\u0131\u015fmas\u0131 ümumiyy\u0259tl\u0259 do\u011fru say\u0131lm\u0131r. U\u015faq evin güzgüsüdür, evd\u0259 n\u0259yi görürs\u0259 onu t\u0259krarlama\u011fa ba\u015flay\u0131r. Ona gör\u0259 d\u0259 çal\u0131\u015fmaq laz\u0131md\u0131r ki, u\u015faqlar\u0131m\u0131za yalan dan\u0131\u015fma\u011f\u0131 öyr\u0259tm\u0259y\u0259k. Çünki u\u015faqlar safd\u0131rlar, t\u0259mizdirl\u0259r. Onlar a\u011f bir ka\u011f\u0131z kimi pakd\u0131rlar. T\u0259s\u0259vvür edin ki, u\u015faqlar x\u0259mir kimidirl\u0259r, onlar\u0131 nec\u0259 yo\u011fursaq el\u0259 d\u0259 olacaqlar. \u018fg\u0259r onlar\u0131 yalanla yo\u011fursaq yalanç\u0131 olacaqlar. Yox, \u0259g\u0259r do\u011fruluq, düzgünlük, m\u0259rh\u0259m\u0259t, qay\u011f\u0131ke\u015flik öyr\u0259ts\u0259k, onlar g\u0259l\u0259c\u0259yin \u0259n göz\u0259l \u015f\u0259xsiyy\u0259tl\u0259rind\u0259n biri olacaqlar. Övladlar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 bacard\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z q\u0259d\u0259r yalandan uzaq tutma\u011fa çal\u0131\u015fmal\u0131y\u0131q.<\/p>\n

– Bildiyimiz kimi, hiperaktiv u\u015faqlar\u0131n fantaziyalar\u0131 daha güclü olur.  Onlar daha “yax\u015f\u0131” yalan dan\u0131\u015f\u0131rlar? <\/strong>
\n– Yalan dan\u0131\u015fan hiperaktiv u\u015faqlarla da rastla\u015f\u0131r\u0131q. Onlar\u0131n t\u0259x\u0259yyülü, fantaziyalar\u0131 güclü oldu\u011fu üçün h\u0259r hans\u0131 bir hadis\u0259ni, olaylar\u0131 çox göz\u0259l \u015f\u0259kild\u0259 t\u0259hrif etm\u0259yi bacar\u0131rlar. Loru dild\u0259 des\u0259k, t\u0259hrif ed\u0259rk\u0259n \u015fi\u015firdib böyüdürl\u0259r, birinin üstün\u0259 be\u015fini qoyub yalanlar\u0131 art\u0131r\u0131rlar. N\u0259yis\u0259 \u015fi\u015firdib dan\u0131\u015fd\u0131qca, \u0259trafdak\u0131lar\u0131n onlara diqq\u0259tl\u0259 qulaq asd\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 gördükc\u0259, bu art\u0131q onlarda v\u0259rdi\u015f hal\u0131n\u0131 alma\u011fa ba\u015flay\u0131r. Amma çox t\u0259\u0259ssüf ki, bu 18 ya\u015f\u0131ndan sonra patoloji yalanç\u0131l\u0131\u011fa çevrilir. Art\u0131q bu onun xarakterin\u0259 çevrilir v\u0259 c\u0259miyy\u0259td\u0259 yalan dan\u0131\u015fan bir insan kimi tan\u0131n\u0131r.<\/p>\n

– \u018fg\u0259r valideyn övlad\u0131n\u0131n yalan dan\u0131\u015fd\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 gör\u0259rs\u0259, bunu onun üzün\u0259 vurmal\u0131d\u0131rm\u0131? <\/strong>
\n– El\u0259 u\u015faqlar var ki, yalan\u0131 ail\u0259d\u0259n k\u0259narda, m\u0259kt\u0259bd\u0259 dan\u0131\u015f\u0131r. V\u0259 ist\u0259r-ist\u0259m\u0259z ona meyll\u0259nir. \u018fg\u0259r valideyn övlad\u0131n\u0131n yalan dan\u0131\u015fd\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 gör\u0259rs\u0259, heç vaxt ona “s\u0259n yalan dan\u0131\u015f\u0131rsan, bunu yalan dedin, tez ol düzünü de” kimi ifad\u0259l\u0259r i\u015fl\u0259tm\u0259m\u0259lidir. Ümumiyy\u0259tl\u0259, u\u015faqla dan\u0131\u015fark\u0259n yalan sözünü istifad\u0259 etm\u0259m\u0259liyik. U\u015faq gör\u0259c\u0259k ki, valideyni onun yalan dan\u0131\u015fd\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 tutdu v\u0259 bundan sonra daha da professional yalan dan\u0131\u015fma\u011fa çal\u0131\u015facaq v\u0259 mük\u0259mm\u0259l yalanlar fikirl\u0259\u015f\u0259c\u0259k.<\/p>\n

– B\u0259zi insanlar sanki art\u0131q yalan dan\u0131\u015fma\u011f\u0131 v\u0259rdi\u015f hal\u0131na çeviribl\u0259r…<\/strong>
\n– Yalan dan\u0131\u015fma\u011f\u0131 art\u0131q patologiya hala çevril\u0259n insanlar\u0131n yalan dan\u0131\u015fd\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 tutmaq üçün ya onunla daimi ya\u015fayan \u015f\u0259xs olasan, ya da müt\u0259x\u0259ssis, psixoloq olasan. Çünki yalan dan\u0131\u015fan u\u015fa\u011f\u0131n yan\u0131nda ya\u015fayan insanlar art\u0131q onun n\u0259y\u0259 qadir oldu\u011funu v\u0259 n\u0259yi yalan dediyini bilirl\u0259r. Bu cür \u015f\u0259xsl\u0259rin dan\u0131\u015fd\u0131qlar\u0131 yalanlar reala çox yax\u0131n olur v\u0259 ay\u0131rd etm\u0259k ç\u0259tin olur. Misal üçün, u\u015faq ev\u0259 g\u0259lir, üstü-ba\u015f\u0131 toz torpaq içind\u0259, art\u0131q kiminl\u0259s\u0259 dala\u015fd\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bilirs\u0259n v\u0259 n\u0259 ba\u015f verdiyini soru\u015fursan. Deyir ki, filank\u0259s m\u0259ni oyuna qoymad\u0131, m\u0259n\u0259 filan sözü dedi, ona gör\u0259 d\u0259 vurdum. \u018fslind\u0259 dala\u015fd\u0131qlar\u0131 göz qaba\u011f\u0131ndad\u0131r v\u0259 bu reald\u0131r. Sad\u0259c\u0259 olaraq u\u015fa\u011f\u0131n özgüv\u0259ni a\u015fa\u011f\u0131 oldu\u011fu üçün özünü müdafi\u0259 refleski i\u015f\u0259 dü\u015für v\u0259 özünün yolda\u015f\u0131n\u0131 vurdu\u011funu söyl\u0259yir. Amma m\u0259s\u0259l\u0259nin kökün\u0259 en\u0259rk\u0259n heç d\u0259 bel\u0259 olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 üz\u0259 ç\u0131x\u0131r. M\u0259lum olur ki, u\u015faq özü günahkar olub, amma özünü müdafi\u0259 üçün yalan dan\u0131\u015f\u0131r. B\u0259li, b\u0259z\u0259n u\u015faqlar özl\u0259rini yax\u015f\u0131 göst\u0259rm\u0259k üçün yalan dan\u0131\u015f\u0131rlar.<\/p>\n

– Yalan dan\u0131\u015fmaq insanlar\u0131n h\u0259yat\u0131na nec\u0259 t\u0259sir göst\u0259rir? <\/strong>
\n– N\u0259inki u\u015faqlar, h\u0259tta böyükl\u0259rin özl\u0259ri d\u0259 b\u0259z\u0259n yalan dan\u0131\u015f\u0131rlar. \u0130\u015f yerind\u0259, kollektivd\u0259 yalan dan\u0131\u015fan insanlar kifay\u0259t q\u0259d\u0259rdi. Mü\u0259yy\u0259n bir tap\u015f\u0131r\u0131rsan,  deyir h\u0259 m\u0259n bacar\u0131ram, bu i\u015fi \u0259vv\u0259ll\u0259r d\u0259 görmü\u015f\u0259m. \u018fslind\u0259 is\u0259 bel\u0259 deyil, h\u0259min insan bu i\u015fi heç vaxt görm\u0259yib v\u0259 bu i\u015fl\u0259 ilk d\u0259f\u0259dir tan\u0131\u015f olur. Sad\u0259c\u0259 olaraq özünü müdafi\u0259 etm\u0259k üçün yalan dan\u0131\u015f\u0131r. Dü\u015fünür ki, bacarmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 des\u0259, sabah\u0131 gün ona dey\u0259c\u0259kl\u0259r ki, s\u0259n bunu bacarm\u0131rsan v\u0259 s. \u018fslind\u0259 bu çox ac\u0131nacaql\u0131 bir hald\u0131r. Bilm\u0259diyimiz bir  i\u015fi yalandan bilirik deyib özümüzü daha da uçuruma apar\u0131r\u0131q. Getdikc\u0259 kollektivd\u0259 h\u0259r k\u0259s onu yalanç\u0131 biri  kimi tan\u0131y\u0131r v\u0259 insanlar yava\u015f-yava\u015f ondan uzaqla\u015fma\u011fa do\u011fru gedir. H\u0259min adamda psixoloji probleml\u0259r ortaya ç\u0131xma\u011fa ba\u015flay\u0131r. Bunlar\u0131n ham\u0131s\u0131 u\u015faql\u0131q dövründ\u0259n, özgüv\u0259n \u0259skikliyind\u0259n, stress\u0259 davams\u0131zl\u0131qdan ir\u0259li g\u0259lir.<\/p>\n

– \u018fg\u0259r bu probleml\u0259r mü\u015fahid\u0259 olunarsa, valideynl\u0259r n\u0259 etm\u0259lidir, problemin h\u0259lli yollar\u0131 n\u0259l\u0259rdir? <\/strong>
\n– \u018fg\u0259r valideynl\u0259r u\u015faq vaxt\u0131 bu kimi hallar\u0131 övladlar\u0131nda mü\u015fahid\u0259 edirs\u0259 mü\u0259yy\u0259n t\u0259dbirl\u0259r görm\u0259lidir. Onlar bilm\u0259lidirl\u0259r ki, u\u015fa\u011f\u0131n özgüv\u0259ni a\u015fa\u011f\u0131d\u0131rsa,  stress\u0259 davams\u0131zd\u0131rsa, h\u0259r x\u0131rda hadis\u0259 üstünd\u0259 a\u011flama\u011fa ba\u015flay\u0131rsa, ist\u0259diyi bir \u0259\u015fyan\u0131 q\u0131\u015fq\u0131r\u0131b-a\u011flayaraq \u0259ld\u0259 edirs\u0259, art\u0131q onlar g\u0259l\u0259c\u0259kd\u0259 yalanç\u0131l\u0131\u011fa yön\u0259l\u0259 bilir. Ona gör\u0259 d\u0259 biz ist\u0259yirik ki, valideynl\u0259r, ba\u011fçadak\u0131 t\u0259limçil\u0259r, day\u0259l\u0259r, m\u0259kt\u0259bd\u0259ki mü\u0259lliml\u0259r, pedaqoqlar daha çox bu sah\u0259d\u0259 t\u0259bli\u011fat i\u015fl\u0259ri apars\u0131nlar. Bunun n\u0259tic\u0259sind\u0259 u\u015faqlarda yalanç\u0131l\u0131q nisb\u0259td\u0259 a\u015fa\u011f\u0131 dü\u015f\u0259r. Biz psixoloqlar i\u015fimizin pe\u015f\u0259kar\u0131 oldu\u011fumuz üçün bu kimi neqativ hallar\u0131n öhd\u0259sind\u0259n g\u0259lirik. Amma bütün probleml\u0259ri vaxt\u0131nda h\u0259ll etm\u0259k daha s\u0259m\u0259r\u0259lidir.<\/p>\n

Könül Oruc <\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Aydan N\u0259z\u0259rova: “U\u015fa\u011f\u0131n yalan dan\u0131\u015fmas\u0131n\u0131n s\u0259b\u0259bi aradan qald\u0131r\u0131lmal\u0131d\u0131r” \u018fg\u0259r valideyn övlad\u0131n\u0131n yalan dan\u0131\u015fd\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 gör\u0259rs\u0259, heç vaxt ona, “ s\u0259n yalan dan\u0131\u015f\u0131rsan, bunu yalan dedin, tez ol düzünü de” kimi ifad\u0259l\u0259r…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":251278,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_lmt_disableupdate":"","_lmt_disable":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-72364","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ucnoqta.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/72364","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ucnoqta.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ucnoqta.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ucnoqta.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ucnoqta.az\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=72364"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/ucnoqta.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/72364\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ucnoqta.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/251278"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ucnoqta.az\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=72364"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ucnoqta.az\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=72364"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ucnoqta.az\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=72364"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}