{"id":60806,"date":"2018-03-14T15:41:52","date_gmt":"2018-03-14T11:41:52","guid":{"rendered":""},"modified":"-0001-11-30T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"-0001-11-29T20:00:00","slug":"","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ucnoqta.az\/?p=60806","title":{"rendered":"\u201c\u00d6vlad\u0131n arzusu, fikri b\u0259zi valideynl\u0259r \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn \u00f6n\u0259mli deyil\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"

V\u0259fa R\u0259\u015fidova: “T\u0259\u0259ssüfl\u0259r ki, bir çox hallarda valideynl\u0259r u\u015faqlar\u0131n\u0131 özl\u0259ri olmaq ist\u0259yib, lakin ola bilm\u0259dikl\u0259ri  mövqeyl\u0259rd\u0259 görm\u0259k ist\u0259yirl\u0259r”<\/strong><\/p>\n

M\u0259mm\u0259dova Arzu deyir ki, övlad\u0131 üçüncü sinifd\u0259 oxuyur v\u0259 q\u0131z\u0131n\u0131 musiqi m\u0259kt\u0259bin\u0259 qoymaq ist\u0259yirl\u0259r: “Bunun üçün q\u0131z\u0131m\u0131 bir neç\u0259 d\u0259f\u0259 kurslara gönd\u0259rdim, n\u0259tic\u0259 ist\u0259diyim kimi olmad\u0131. Musiqid\u0259n \u0259lav\u0259 u\u015fa\u011f\u0131 ba\u015fqa sah\u0259l\u0259r\u0259 d\u0259 yön\u0259ltm\u0259k ist\u0259mi\u015fik. Amma heç biri al\u0131nmad\u0131”.  <\/p>\n

Dig\u0259r valideyn Abbasova S\u0259bin\u0259 deyir ki, q\u0131z\u0131 8-ci sinifd\u0259 oxuyur: “Fikrimiz var ki, 9-cu sinifd\u0259n ç\u0131xar\u0131b texnikuma qoyum, tibb bac\u0131s\u0131 olmas\u0131n\u0131 ist\u0259yir\u0259m. Çünki q\u0131z üçün tibb baç\u0131s\u0131 \u0259n yax\u015f\u0131 pe\u015f\u0259dir. G\u0259l\u0259c\u0259kd\u0259 rahat evind\u0259 i\u015fl\u0259yib pulunu qazana bil\u0259r. Q\u0131z\u0131m özü is\u0259 informatika mü\u0259llim\u0259si olmaq arzusundad\u0131r.Lakin mü\u0259llimin maa\u015f\u0131 azd\u0131r. Ona gör\u0259 d\u0259, onun bu sah\u0259y\u0259 getm\u0259sini ist\u0259mirik”. Mövzu il\u0259 ba\u011fl\u0131 “Üç nöqt\u0259”y\u0259 aç\u0131qlama ver\u0259n psixoloq V\u0259fa R\u0259\u015fidova bildirdi ki, bu mövzu \u0259n maraql\u0131 v\u0259 h\u0259ssas m\u0259s\u0259l\u0259l\u0259rd\u0259n biridir: “Ümumiyy\u0259tl\u0259 valideynl\u0259r, xüsusil\u0259 d\u0259 az\u0259rbaycanl\u0131 ata v\u0259 analar çal\u0131\u015f\u0131rlar ki, övladlar\u0131n\u0131 özl\u0259rinin ist\u0259diyi v\u0259 seçdiyi ixtisaslara yön\u0259ltsinl\u0259r v\u0259 g\u0259l\u0259c\u0259kd\u0259 müxt\u0259lif v\u0259zif\u0259l\u0259rd\u0259 görsünl\u0259r. \u018fslind\u0259 valideyn övlad\u0131na özünü tan\u0131mas\u0131, bir \u015f\u0259xsiyy\u0259t kimi formala\u015fmas\u0131 üçün vaxt verm\u0259lidir. Çünki onun da öz ist\u0259kl\u0259ri var. T\u0259\u0259ssüfl\u0259r ki, çox hallarda valideynl\u0259r u\u015faqlar\u0131n\u0131 özl\u0259ri olmaq ist\u0259dikl\u0259ri, lakin ola bilm\u0259dikl\u0259ri mövqeyl\u0259rd\u0259 görm\u0259k ist\u0259yirl\u0259r. Çünki buna h\u0259min dövrd\u0259 onlar\u0131n ya savadlar\u0131, ya da maddi imkanlar\u0131 çatmay\u0131b, öz h\u0259yatlar\u0131n\u0131 ist\u0259dikl\u0259ri kimi ya\u015faya bilm\u0259yibl\u0259r. V\u0259 bu da onlar\u0131n h\u0259yat\u0131nda ya\u015fanmam\u0131\u015f bir arzu olaraq qal\u0131b. Valideyn ya\u015faya bilm\u0259diyi, ür\u0259yind\u0259 ill\u0259rl\u0259 b\u0259sl\u0259diyi arzunu u\u015fa\u011f\u0131nda görm\u0259k ist\u0259yir. M\u0259s\u0259l\u0259n, ola bil\u0259r ki, valideyn n\u0259 zamansa h\u0259kim olmaq ist\u0259yib, amma al\u0131nmay\u0131b”.<\/p>\n

Psixoloqun sözl\u0259rin\u0259 gör\u0259, n\u0259yis\u0259 ist\u0259m\u0259k d\u0259, arzulamaq da normald\u0131r: “Amma u\u015fa\u011f\u0131 n\u0259y\u0259s\u0259 m\u0259cbur etm\u0259k, onun fikir v\u0259 dü\u015fünc\u0259l\u0259rini almadan, eyni zamanda repititorlara pul tökm\u0259k v\u0259 al\u0131nmayanda da mü\u0259lliml\u0259rd\u0259n, u\u015faqlardan naraz\u0131 qalmaq tamam ba\u015fqa bir \u015feydir. “Bizim n\u0259sild\u0259  mü\u0259llim, yaxud h\u0259kim varsa, o da s\u0259n olmal\u0131san” dü\u015fünc\u0259l\u0259ri h\u0259ddind\u0259n art\u0131q çox yay\u0131l\u0131b. Valideynl\u0259rin, “ s\u0259nin üçün n\u0259 deyirs\u0259n al\u0131m, amma t\u0259ki s\u0259n h\u0259kim ol” fikirl\u0259ri u\u015faqlar üçün bir z\u0259rb\u0259dir”.  
\nV.R\u0259\u015fidova deyir ki, \u0259slind\u0259 m\u0259n\u0259 h\u0259mi\u015f\u0259 maraql\u0131 olan m\u0259qam var, düzdür cavab\u0131n\u0131 bilir\u0259m, amma yen\u0259 d\u0259 dey\u0259c\u0259m: “Valideyn üçün ön\u0259mli olan n\u0259dir? Ax\u0131 niy\u0259 özünü da\u011fa-da\u015fa at\u0131r? Niy\u0259 özünü bahal\u0131 n\u0259l\u0259rs\u0259 alma\u011fa f\u0259da edir? N\u0259di ax\u0131 onlar\u0131n d\u0259rdi? Çox t\u0259\u0259ssüf hissi il\u0259 bunu deyir\u0259m. N\u0259tic\u0259 etibaril\u0259 ortaya ç\u0131x\u0131r ki, valideyn bütün qohum-\u0259qr\u0259bas\u0131na, sülal\u0259sin\u0259, tan\u0131\u015flar\u0131na sanki n\u0259yis\u0259 t\u0259sdiql\u0259m\u0259k üçün bunu edir, bir özünd\u0259n raz\u0131 havas\u0131na girir. Valideynin özgüv\u0259ni o q\u0259d\u0259r a\u015fa\u011f\u0131d\u0131r ki, u\u015fa\u011f\u0131 onlar\u0131n ist\u0259diyi yer\u0259 q\u0259bul olanda, özgüv\u0259nl\u0259ri qalx\u0131r v\u0259 onun qaba\u011f\u0131nda dayanmaq olmur. Vay o hala ki, h\u0259min sah\u0259 üçün m\u0259cbur edil\u0259n u\u015faq, yeniyetm\u0259 yaxud g\u0259nc h\u0259min ixtisasa q\u0259bul olmas\u0131n. Bundan sonra dünya da\u011f\u0131l\u0131r, dannaqlar, ittihamlar ba\u015flay\u0131r:  “ Filank\u0259sin u\u015fa\u011f\u0131na bax, o q\u0259bul oldu, s\u0259n yox. S\u0259n bacar\u0131qs\u0131z oldun, ka\u015f s\u0259n\u0259 bu q\u0259d\u0259r pul tökm\u0259zdim”. Amma ba\u015fa dü\u015fmürl\u0259r ki, bu m\u0259qs\u0259d deyil. Ax\u0131, niy\u0259 u\u015fa\u011f\u0131 c\u0259miyy\u0259t üçün yaras\u0131z edirsiniz.. Bel\u0259 olanda ail\u0259 konfliktl\u0259ri ba\u015flay\u0131r, münasib\u0259tl\u0259r dem\u0259k olar ki pozulur. Övlad q\u0131zd\u0131rsa, ata obraz\u0131 onun gözd\u0259 dü\u015für. Ona gör\u0259 ki, ata-ana onun bütün arzular\u0131n\u0131 \u0259n arxa planda qoyub, öz planlar\u0131n\u0131 övlad\u0131n\u0131n üz\u0259rind\u0259 realla\u015fd\u0131rma\u011fa çal\u0131\u015f\u0131rlar. Bax budur, övlad\u0131n\u0131n fikirl\u0259rin\u0259 hörm\u0259t etm\u0259y\u0259n valideynin davran\u0131\u015f\u0131. K\u0259nardan n\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r \u0259caib, m\u0259ntiq\u0259s\u0131\u011fmayan, m\u0259ntiq\u0259 \u0259saslanmayan bir davran\u0131\u015f kimi görünür”. <\/p>\n

Psixoloq onu da \u0259lav\u0259 etdi ki, m\u0259cburiyy\u0259t heç kim\u0259 xeyir verm\u0259yib. “\u018fksin\u0259 kin, küdur\u0259t, aqressiya yaradan bir hissdir. M\u0259cburiyy\u0259t olan yerd\u0259 yar\u0131mç\u0131q qalan i\u015fl\u0259r, münasib\u0259tl\u0259r a\u011f\u0131la g\u0259lir. Aqressiya olan yerd\u0259 is\u0259 i\u015fd\u0259n, u\u011furdan söhb\u0259t ged\u0259 bilm\u0259z. Heç bir halda u\u015faq n\u0259y\u0259s\u0259 m\u0259cbur olunmamal\u0131d\u0131r, onlarla söhb\u0259tl\u0259r aparmal\u0131, s\u0259rb\u0259stlik verilm\u0259lidir ki. seçiml\u0259rini özl\u0259ri etsinl\u0259r”.
\nV.R\u0259\u015fidova \u0259lav\u0259 etdi ki, u\u015faqlar \u0259n çox hüquq\u015funas v\u0259 h\u0259kim pe\u015f\u0259l\u0259rini seçm\u0259y\u0259 m\u0259cbur edilir: “Q\u0131zlara is\u0259 daha çox mü\u0259llimlik yara\u015f\u0131r deyirl\u0259r. Niy\u0259 gör\u0259s\u0259n, q\u0131za hüquq\u015fünasl\u0131q v\u0259 ya psixoloqluq yara\u015fm\u0131r ki? Valideynl\u0259r u\u015faqlar\u0131na icaz\u0259 verm\u0259lidir ki, ist\u0259dikl\u0259ri, arzulad\u0131qlar\u0131  pe\u015f\u0259l\u0259ri seçsinl\u0259r. Öz ist\u0259dikl\u0259ri sah\u0259d\u0259 i\u015fl\u0259sinl\u0259r v\u0259 h\u0259min sah\u0259nin pe\u015f\u0259kar\u0131 olsunlar. Pe\u015f\u0259 seçm\u0259k o q\u0259d\u0259r m\u0259suliyy\u0259tli v\u0259 ön\u0259mli bir m\u0259qamd\u0131r ki, onu düzgün seçm\u0259dikd\u0259 g\u0259l\u0259c\u0259kd\u0259 ciddi probleml\u0259r yarana bil\u0259r. Çox t\u0259\u0259ssüf ki, valideynl\u0259rin çoxu bunu anlam\u0131rlar. Tan\u0131\u015f ail\u0259l\u0259rd\u0259n birinin u\u015fa\u011f\u0131n\u0131n çox göz\u0259l r\u0259ssaml\u0131q qabiliyy\u0259ti var idi. Amma valideyn ona r\u0259ssaml\u0131\u011f\u0131n arxas\u0131nca getm\u0259y\u0259 imkan verm\u0259dil\u0259r. “Q\u0131z u\u015fa\u011f\u0131 \u015f\u0259kill\u0259r ç\u0259k\u0259c\u0259k? r\u0259ssaml\u0131qda pul yoxdur”  bu kimi dü\u015fünc\u0259l\u0259r var. O valideynl\u0259r bunun göz\u0259llikl\u0259rini anlam\u0131rlar, h\u0259min u\u015fa\u011f\u0131n bütün arzular\u0131n\u0131 içind\u0259 bo\u011fdular. \u0130nsan\u0131n daxilind\u0259 arzular\u0131 bo\u011fulanda stress keçirir, h\u0259yata mara\u011f\u0131 azal\u0131r. Dü\u015fünür\u0259m ki, fikir azadl\u0131\u011f\u0131 pe\u015f\u0259 seçimind\u0259 ilk s\u0131rada dayanmal\u0131d\u0131r”. <\/p>\n

Könül \u018fhm\u0259dova<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

V\u0259fa R\u0259\u015fidova: “T\u0259\u0259ssüfl\u0259r ki, bir çox hallarda valideynl\u0259r u\u015faqlar\u0131n\u0131 özl\u0259ri olmaq ist\u0259yib, lakin ola bilm\u0259dikl\u0259ri  mövqeyl\u0259rd\u0259 görm\u0259k ist\u0259yirl\u0259r” M\u0259mm\u0259dova Arzu deyir ki, övlad\u0131 üçüncü sinifd\u0259 oxuyur v\u0259 q\u0131z\u0131n\u0131 musiqi m\u0259kt\u0259bin\u0259…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":251278,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_lmt_disableupdate":"","_lmt_disable":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[101],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-60806","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-cemiyyet"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ucnoqta.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/60806","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ucnoqta.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ucnoqta.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ucnoqta.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ucnoqta.az\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=60806"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/ucnoqta.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/60806\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ucnoqta.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/251278"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ucnoqta.az\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=60806"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ucnoqta.az\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=60806"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ucnoqta.az\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=60806"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}