{"id":56587,"date":"2018-01-11T12:17:33","date_gmt":"2018-01-11T08:17:33","guid":{"rendered":""},"modified":"-0001-11-30T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"-0001-11-29T20:00:00","slug":"","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ucnoqta.az\/?p=56587","title":{"rendered":"\u201cO g\u00fcn geydiyim t\u0259z\u0259 paltar\u0131n qoxusunu h\u0259l\u0259 d\u0259 unutmam\u0131\u015fam\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"

"Ucnoqta.az" sayt\u0131 q\u0259zeti tan\u0131nm\u0131\u015f \u015fair-publisist, Az\u0259rbaycanda Atatürk M\u0259rk\u0259zinin ba\u015f redaktoru D\u0259yan\u0259t Osmanl\u0131n\u0131n xatir\u0259l\u0259rinin II hiss\u0259sini siz\u0259 t\u0259qdim edir.<\/em><\/p>\n

-Keçmi\u015fl\u0259 ba\u011fl\u0131 \u0259n maraql\u0131 xatir\u0259niz? <\/strong>
\n– Xatir\u0259l\u0259rd\u0259ki obrazlar \u0259ziz v\u0259 unudulmazd\u0131r. M\u0259n reall\u0131\u011f\u0131 sevib d\u0259y\u0259rl\u0259ndirir\u0259m, ona daha yax\u0131nam. Xatir\u0259l\u0259r\u0259 qap\u0131l\u0131b qalan deyil\u0259m, ancaq keçmi\u015fin bugünkü h\u0259yatda \u0259v\u0259zolunmaz yerini bilir\u0259m. El\u0259 gün olmur ki, hans\u0131sa bir xatir\u0259yl\u0259 ba\u015f-ba\u015fa qalmay\u0131m. Bir misram var: “M\u0259n özümün dostuyam”. Düzü, tez-tez özüml\u0259 d\u0259rdl\u0259\u015fm\u0259yi, n\u0259s\u0259 bir q\u0259rar verm\u0259k \u0259r\u0259f\u0259sind\u0259 ruhumla m\u0259sl\u0259h\u0259tl\u0259\u015fm\u0259yi bacar\u0131ram.<\/p>\n

Maraql\u0131 v\u0259 xo\u015f xatir\u0259l\u0259r çoxdu. Onlar m\u0259n\u0259 h\u0259mi\u015f\u0259 k\u0259d\u0259r v\u0259 gövr\u0259k ovqat g\u0259tirir. U\u015faql\u0131qdan q\u0259lbi yuxa olmu\u015fam. N\u0259y\u0259s\u0259 hirsl\u0259n\u0259r\u0259m, amma an\u0131ndaca keç\u0259r. Evd\u0259 u\u015faqlar da, dostlar da bilir, tez yum\u015falmaq xasiyy\u0259timdir. Ona gör\u0259 d\u0259 xatir\u0259l\u0259r m\u0259ni h\u0259r \u015fey\u0259 qar\u015f\u0131 yum\u015falda bilir. Bir dosta yazd\u0131\u011f\u0131m \u015feird\u0259ndi:<\/p>\n

M\u0259n bilir\u0259m
\nkimin ür\u0259yi a\u011flar
\nbir qu\u015fun dimdiyi qanayanda.
\nKimin h\u0259yat\u0131 dar\u0131xar
\nson umacaq yerind\u0259
\nbir dostun a\u011fz\u0131 da\u015fa d\u0259yib
\nq\u0259lbi q\u0131r\u0131landa. <\/em><\/p>\n

Son vaxtlar k\u0259d\u0259rli xatir\u0259l\u0259r daha çox yada dü\u015für. U\u015faql\u0131qdan h\u0259r canl\u0131n\u0131n körp\u0259sin\u0259 h\u0259mi\u015f\u0259 mehr göst\u0259rmi\u015f\u0259m. Bizim oyuncaqlar\u0131m\u0131z heyvan balalar\u0131 idi. H\u0259tta ilanlarla da oynam\u0131\u015fam. Onlar\u0131n varl\u0131\u011f\u0131 sanki h\u0259yat\u0131n m\u0259sumlu\u011fa ehtiyac\u0131n\u0131n göst\u0259ricisidir. K\u0259ndd\u0259 it, pi\u015fik, mal-qoyun saxlam\u0131\u015f\u0131q. 4-5 ya\u015f\u0131m olanda itl\u0259r balalam\u0131\u015fd\u0131, h\u0259l\u0259 gözl\u0259ri aç\u0131lmam\u0131\u015fd\u0131. Evind\u0259 it olmayan qonum-qon\u015fular küçükl\u0259rd\u0259n apard\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 apar\u0131r, toppu\u015f birini saxlay\u0131r, qalanlar\u0131n\u0131 da torpa\u011f\u0131 qaz\u0131b basd\u0131r\u0131rd\u0131lar. Bir-neç\u0259 saat inilti g\u0259lir, sonra s\u0259s k\u0259silirdi. Bir d\u0259f\u0259 qon\u015fu 2 küçüyü götürüb bizim ç\u0259p\u0259rin dibind\u0259 basd\u0131rd\u0131. M\u0259n d\u0259 onu güdürdüm. O ged\u0259n kimi, g\u0259ldim h\u0259min yer\u0259, ür\u0259yim durmad\u0131. Yeri e\u015fib, küçükl\u0259ri ç\u0131xard\u0131m, diriydil\u0259r. Bir az oynatd\u0131m, sonra köyn\u0259yimin alt\u0131nda gizl\u0259dib, apar\u0131b yax\u0131nl\u0131qdak\u0131 d\u0259r\u0259y\u0259 buraxd\u0131m. Ev\u0259 qay\u0131danda qarda\u015f\u0131m bunu bilib m\u0259ni yax\u015f\u0131ca döymü\u015fdü. Onda bütün günü a\u011flad\u0131m, h\u0259r a\u011flay\u0131b içimi ç\u0259kdikc\u0259 d\u0259 köyn\u0259yimd\u0259n küçükl\u0259rin qoxusunu duyurdum. \u0130ndi yada dü\u015f\u0259nd\u0259 yen\u0259 d\u0259 kövr\u0259lir\u0259m…<\/p>\n

Xatir\u0259l\u0259r insan\u0131n ya\u015f\u0131 art\u0131qca daha da ayd\u0131nla\u015f\u0131r, aç\u0131lmayan sirl\u0259r kimi b\u0259zil\u0259ri sonradan mü\u0259yy\u0259n hadis\u0259l\u0259rl\u0259 ilgili olaraq yada dü\u015für. \u0130nsan\u0131n ömrü uzun, ya q\u0131sa olma\u011f\u0131na baxmayaraq, bir s\u0131ra m\u0259qamlar üstünd\u0259 qurulur. Y\u0259ni b\u0259z\u0259n bir an\u0131 ya\u015famaq ücün, ay, il s\u0259rf olunur. O m\u0259qamlar n\u0259 zamansa art\u0131q ömrün ruhi, irreal m\u0259qs\u0259din\u0259 çevrilir. Realda is\u0259 insan qar\u015f\u0131s\u0131na mü\u0259yy\u0259n m\u0259qs\u0259dl\u0259r qoyub ona çatma\u011fa can at\u0131r. Bu reall\u0131q insan\u0131 ruhi al\u0259md\u0259n m\u0259cburi ay\u0131ran sosial, inellektual, ictimai v\u0259 s. ya\u015fam\u0131n meydana ç\u0131xard\u0131\u011f\u0131 m\u0259qs\u0259dl\u0259rdir.<\/p>\n

– \u0130lk sevginiz, n\u0259 vaxt olub, xat\u0131rlay\u0131rs\u0131n\u0131zm\u0131 o günl\u0259ri? <\/strong>
\n– Erk\u0259n insan hissl\u0259ridir. Çox olub, u\u015faql\u0131qda da, g\u0259nclikd\u0259 d\u0259. Sevgi dem\u0259k olmaz buna, sad\u0259c\u0259 yeti\u015fk\u0259nliyin, yeniyetm\u0259liyin xo\u015f xüsusiyy\u0259tl\u0259ridir. Üçüncü sinfd\u0259 oxuyanda bir q\u0131z vard\u0131. Ondan xo\u015fum g\u0259lirdi. H\u0259mi\u015f\u0259 onlar\u0131n m\u0259hl\u0259sind\u0259n keç\u0259nd\u0259 qaç\u0131rd\u0131m. Utancaq idim. O ya\u015fda u\u015fa\u011f\u0131n n\u0259 fikri, n\u0259 sözü olacaqd\u0131. Öt\u0259ri duy\u011fulard\u0131, ya\u015fla birg\u0259 keçib gedir. B\u0259z\u0259n adam bunlar\u0131 xat\u0131rlad\u0131qça içd\u0259 özün\u0259 gülm\u0259yi tutur.
\nSevgi erk\u0259n özünüd\u0259rk \u0259r\u0259f\u0259sind\u0259 f\u0259rdi hissl\u0259rin t\u0259zahürüdür. Özünüd\u0259rk prosesi sür\u0259tl\u0259ndikc\u0259 ya ötüb keçir, ya da yönünü d\u0259yi\u015fib h\u0259d\u0259fini y\u0259qinl\u0259\u015fdirir. Xeyli müdd\u0259t izl\u0259ri qal\u0131c\u0131 olur. Adam yeniyetm\u0259likd\u0259n ba\u015flayaraq, g\u0259nclik v\u0259 sonrak\u0131 m\u0259rh\u0259l\u0259l\u0259rd\u0259 sevginin h\u0259qiqi anlam\u0131n\u0131 d\u0259rk edir. V\u0259 ist\u0259r-ist\u0259m\u0259z, bu m\u0259rh\u0259l\u0259d\u0259 ruh müxt\u0259lif subyektl\u0259r\u0259 münasib\u0259tini netl\u0259\u015fdirir. Sevgi d\u0259 bu zaman yaran\u0131r: insana, do\u011fmalara (v\u0259 \u0259trafa), v\u0259t\u0259n\u0259, torpa\u011fa… \u018fsil sevgid\u0259 bir intellektuall\u0131q olmal\u0131d\u0131. \u018fsil sevgi V\u0259t\u0259ni d\u0259, torpa\u011f\u0131 da, insan\u0131 da, s\u0259n\u0259ti d\u0259 mahiyy\u0259tc\u0259 d\u0259rk edib a\u011f\u0131lla sevm\u0259kdir. Harda fanatizm varsa, dem\u0259li, orda bir çahillik, nadanl\u0131q var. Fanatizm hissl\u0259ri güc g\u0259l\u0259n yerd\u0259 mütl\u0259q gec-tez h\u0259yat\u0131n d\u0259ng\u0259si pozulacaq. V\u0259t\u0259ni d\u0259, mill\u0259ti d\u0259, f\u0259rdi d\u0259 sev\u0259nd\u0259 g\u0259r\u0259k hissl\u0259rl\u0259 deyil, a\u011f\u0131lla sev\u0259s\u0259n.<\/p>\n

Universitetd\u0259 rus-sovet jurnalistikas\u0131 f\u0259nnind\u0259n mü\u0259llimiz C. M\u0259mm\u0259dlinin sevimli bir misal\u0131 vard\u0131 “Z\u0259man\u0259mizin q\u0259hr\u0259man\u0131n”dan. T\u0259krar-t\u0259krar Peçorinin bu sözl\u0259rini misal g\u0259tirirdi: “Bütün dünyan\u0131 sevm\u0259y\u0259 haz\u0131r idim, d\u0259y\u0259rl\u0259ndir\u0259n ç\u0131xmad\u0131. N\u0259tic\u0259d\u0259 nifr\u0259t etm\u0259yi öyr\u0259ndim”. Sözüm onda yox ki, bel\u0259 olmal\u0131d\u0131. Bunda da bir naqolayl\u0131q, çat\u0131\u015fmazl\u0131q, t\u0259k\u0259bbürlük var. <\/p>\n

T\u0259\u0259ssüf ki, intellekti olmayan, dü\u015fünc\u0259d\u0259n pozuq birisi h\u0259mi\u015f\u0259 romantik v\u0259 bioloji hissl\u0259rin\u0259 adekvat reaksiya gözl\u0259yir. Bunu görm\u0259y\u0259nd\u0259 pis halda q\u0131c\u0131qlan\u0131b xo\u015fag\u0259lm\u0259z hadis\u0259 tör\u0259dir, ya da \u0259n yax\u015f\u0131 halda m\u0259yus olub özün\u0259 qapan\u0131r. \u018fg\u0259r insan hissl\u0259rini idar\u0259 edib ona dü\u015fünc\u0259 qata bilmirs\u0259, bu idiotluq, kütlük \u0259lam\u0259tidi. <\/p>\n

– Keçmi\u015fd\u0259 olan n\u0259l\u0259rd\u0259ns\u0259 pemans\u0131n\u0131zm\u0131? Geriy\u0259 qay\u0131tmaq \u015fans\u0131n\u0131z olsayd\u0131, h\u0259yat\u0131n\u0131zda n\u0259yi d\u0259yi\u015fm\u0259k ist\u0259rdiniz?<\/strong>
\n– H\u0259yatda qürur da, pe\u015fmanl\u0131q da t\u0259bii \u0259lam\u0259tl\u0259rdir. H\u0259r k\u0259s mütl\u0259q bu v\u0259 ya dig\u0259r formada özüyl\u0259 ilgili b\u0259zi neqativ olaylara gör\u0259 pe\u015fmanl\u0131q ç\u0259k\u0259 bil\u0259r. Amma pe\u015fmanl\u0131q h\u0259mi\u015f\u0259 h\u0259yat\u0131n d\u0259rsi v\u0259 h\u0259lledici pozitiv t\u0259sir\u0259 malik olmur. Adam\u0131 m\u0259yus ed\u0259n olaylar b\u0259z\u0259n u\u015faq t\u0259f\u0259kkürü, sonrak\u0131 m\u0259rh\u0259l\u0259d\u0259 t\u0259sadüfl\u0259r, t\u0259crüb\u0259sizlik v\u0259 nadanl\u0131q ucbat\u0131ndan ba\u015f verir. Bil\u0259r\u0259kd\u0259n, yaxud qanmazl\u0131qdan tör\u0259dil\u0259n olaylar c\u0259miyy\u0259td\u0259 utancverci reaksiya do\u011fursa da, heç zaman o add\u0131m\u0131 adan f\u0259rdd\u0259 h\u0259qiqi pe\u015fmanl\u0131q yaratm\u0131r. Adam do\u011fru yerini, kimliyini tan\u0131yanda nadir hallarda s\u0259hvl\u0259r\u0259 yol verir. T\u0259\u0259ssüf ki, bu s\u0259hvl\u0259r d\u0259 kiçik olmur.
\nM\u0259nim d\u0259 pe\u015fmanl\u0131q do\u011furan anlar\u0131m olub. Amma bununla ba\u011fl\u0131 bir-iki m\u0259qam\u0131 xat\u0131rlay\u0131ram. U\u015faql\u0131qda, g\u0259nclik dövründ\u0259 olanlar var. Yen\u0259 \u015feirimd\u0259n bir parça söyl\u0259yim: <\/p>\n

Ür\u0259k inl\u0259d\u0259n qeybin s\u0259si
\nh\u0259r add\u0131mda p\u0131ç\u0131lday\u0131r:
\ndaha gecdi sevinm\u0259k,
\ndaha gecdi heyfsl\u0259nm\u0259k…<\/em><\/p>\n

M\u0259kt\u0259b\u0259 ged\u0259n\u0259 kimi anamdan heç ayr\u0131lmam\u0131\u015fam. Sovxozda i\u015fl\u0259yirdi. Çox vaxtlar aradan ç\u0131x\u0131b onunla tarlaya gedirdim. Onda görürdü ki, yük ma\u015f\u0131n\u0131nda yan\u0131ndayam. Daha n\u0259s\u0259 demirdi. Bir balaca heyb\u0259m d\u0259 vard\u0131. M\u0259hsul y\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131nda o heyb\u0259 mütl\u0259q ev\u0259 dolu g\u0259lm\u0259liydi. T\u0259s\u0259rrüfat r\u0259hb\u0259rl\u0259ri bunu bilir v\u0259 adi hal kimi q\u0259bul edirdil\u0259r. Anam\u0131n is\u0259 xo\u015fu g\u0259lmirdi. 5 ya\u015f\u0131ndayd\u0131m, yay günüydü, m\u0259ni evd\u0259 qoyaraq darvazan\u0131 kilidl\u0259yib getdi. \u018fl ç\u0259km\u0259diyim\u0259 gör\u0259 bir-iki sill\u0259 d\u0259 vurmu\u015fdu. Divardan a\u015f\u0131b ard\u0131yca dü\u015fdüm. Evd\u0259n xeyli aral\u0131da gördü ki, g\u0259lir\u0259m. Yuxar\u0131 m\u0259hl\u0259d\u0259 bir z\u0259hmli mü\u0259llim qohumumuz vard\u0131. Onu s\u0259sl\u0259di ki, ay Yahya, \u0259d\u0259, g\u0259l bunu qaytar. Mü\u0259llimd\u0259n yaman qorxurdum. Geri ç\u0259kilib arx\u0131n q\u0131ra\u011f\u0131ndan balaca bir k\u0259s\u0259k götürüb atd\u0131m. Bilm\u0259dim, s\u0259n dem\u0259, anam\u0131n dirs\u0259yin\u0259 d\u0259yib göyn\u0259dibmi\u015f… M\u0259n ya\u015fa dolanda, h\u0259rd\u0259n ail\u0259 bir yer\u0259 y\u0131\u011f\u0131\u015fanda anam bu hadis\u0259ni bir xatir\u0259 kimi dan\u0131\u015f\u0131r, gülü\u015fürdül\u0259r. V\u0259 h\u0259r d\u0259f\u0259, el\u0259 indi d\u0259 yad\u0131ma dü\u015f\u0259nd\u0259 o xatir\u0259d\u0259n böyük pe\u015fimanl\u0131q keçirir\u0259m. \u0130st\u0259r-ist\u0259m\u0259z gözl\u0259rim ya\u015far\u0131r, bütün h\u0259yat\u0131m onun dirs\u0259yi kimi göyn\u0259yir. Deyir\u0259m, n\u0259 ola, birc\u0259 anl\u0131\u011fa o günl\u0259r qay\u0131da…
\nSual\u0131n ikinci hiss\u0259sin\u0259 g\u0259lim. Yenid\u0259n h\u0259yata qay\u0131tmaq \u015fans\u0131n\u0131 kim ist\u0259m\u0259z… Bir \u015feirimd\u0259n bu misralar\u0131 xat\u0131rlad\u0131m.<\/p>\n

Tanr\u0131n\u0131n qoca vaxt\u0131nda
\ninsanl\u0131q üz\u0259rin\u0259,
\ntale-qism\u0259tin qan\u0131na yerikl\u0259yib,
\nal\u0131n yaz\u0131s\u0131n\u0131
\nd\u0259yi\u015fm\u0259k e\u015fqin\u0259 dü\u015f\u0259nl\u0259r var… <\/em><\/p>\n

B\u0259llidir, h\u0259r k\u0259s h\u0259yatda missiyas\u0131n\u0131 ba\u015fa vurub getm\u0259lidi. H\u0259l\u0259 ki, realda kim\u0259s\u0259 h\u0259yat\u0131 t\u0259rk ed\u0259nd\u0259n sonra qay\u0131tmaq imkan\u0131 verilm\u0259yib. Qay\u0131tmaq \u015fans\u0131 bir mistik dü\u015fünc\u0259 m\u0259hsuludur. Bu dü\u015fünc\u0259 il\u0259 sanki insan özün\u0259 h\u0259m d\u0259 bir t\u0259s\u0259lli verir. Ümidl\u0259 fikirl\u0259\u015fir ki, hans\u0131 formadasa qay\u0131d\u0131\u015f ola bil\u0259r. V\u0259 t\u0259krar h\u0259yata dönü\u015fünd\u0259 nec\u0259 ya\u015fayaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 özlüyünd\u0259 götür-qoy edir, s\u0259hvl\u0259rini d\u0259qiql\u0259\u015fdirir. M\u0259n heç bu \u015fans üz\u0259rind\u0259 dü\u015fünm\u0259yi vacib saymam\u0131\u015fam. T\u0259krar\u0131 sevmir\u0259m. \u018fg\u0259r h\u0259qiq\u0259t\u0259n bu \u015fans verils\u0259ydi, tamam ba\u015fqa bir insan t\u0259k, do\u011fma bir m\u0259kanda, buna b\u0259nz\u0259ri olmayan bir ömür sürm\u0259k ist\u0259rdim. Azadl\u0131\u011f\u0131, qüruru, s\u0259hvl\u0259ri il\u0259 birg\u0259 f\u0259rqli bir ömür… <\/p>\n

– \u0130lk i\u015finiz harada olub? <\/strong>
\n\u0130\u015fl\u0259m\u0259y\u0259 erk\u0259n, orta m\u0259kt\u0259bd\u0259 oxuyark\u0259n ba\u015flam\u0131\u015fam. Yay t\u0259tilind\u0259 kartof y\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131na gedirdik. Kis\u0259l\u0259ri ma\u015f\u0131nlara yükl\u0259yib qon\u015fu \u0130mirh\u0259s\u0259n k\u0259ndind\u0259ki qatar stansiyas\u0131nda Rusiyaya ged\u0259n soyuducu vaqonlara yükl\u0259yirdik. \u0130ki ayl\u0131q mövsümd\u0259 200-300 rubl qazan\u0131rd\u0131q. Buna da m\u0259kt\u0259b paltar\u0131, kitab-d\u0259ft\u0259r, ayaqqab\u0131-filan al\u0131rd\u0131q. 7-ci sinifd\u0259 oxuyark\u0259n maa\u015f\u0131ma anamla Marneuli univerma\u011f\u0131ndan 17 rubla bir gümü\u015f saat alm\u0131\u015fd\u0131m. O vaxtdan ömür boyu t\u0259l\u0259smi\u015f\u0259m ki, h\u0259r i\u015fi zaman\u0131nda bitir\u0259 bilim. O zaman saatdan xo\u015fum g\u0259lirdi. M\u0259n Bak\u0131ya g\u0259l\u0259nd\u0259n sonra atam öl\u0259n\u0259d\u0259k o saat\u0131 qoluna taxd\u0131. \u0130ndi saatla el\u0259 d\u0259 aram yoxdu. <\/p>\n

– \u0130lk maa\u015f\u0131n\u0131z n\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r olub, v\u0259 n\u0259y\u0259 x\u0259rcl\u0259misiz? <\/strong>
\n– \u0130lk r\u0259smi i\u015fim yerim 1982-cild\u0259 Sumqay\u0131t Xovllu iplik fabriki olub. Sexd\u0259 toxuyucu ma\u015f\u0131nlar tez-tez yan\u0131rd\u0131. M\u0259n d\u0259 yan\u011f\u0131ndan d\u0259rhal sonra çarxlar\u0131n\u0131 ya\u011flay\u0131rd\u0131m. Fikirl\u0259\u015firdim ki, dey\u0259c\u0259kl\u0259r, ma\u015f\u0131nlar ya\u011fs\u0131zl\u0131qdan yan\u0131b. Bir d\u0259f\u0259 usta M\u0259mm\u0259d ki\u015fi dedi, o\u011flum, s\u0259n narahat olma, bu ma\u015f\u0131nlar h\u0259m köhn\u0259, h\u0259m d\u0259 düzgün istifad\u0259 olunmad\u0131\u011f\u0131na gör\u0259 yan\u0131r. Ançaq yen\u0259 d\u0259 ad\u0259timd\u0259n qalm\u0131rd\u0131m. 130 rubl maa\u015f al\u0131rd\u0131m. \u0130lkind\u0259n anama bir çit yayl\u0131q, atama is\u0259 papaq alm\u0131\u015fd\u0131m. Universitetd\u0259 oxuyanda ax\u015famlar mühafiz\u0259d\u0259 i\u015fl\u0259yirdim. 75 rubl burdan, 75-100 rubl da t\u0259l\u0259b\u0259 t\u0259qaüdü al\u0131rd\u0131m. \u018flb\u0259tt\u0259, t\u0259l\u0259b\u0259 üçün yax\u015f\u0131 g\u0259lir idi. Evd\u0259n pul ist\u0259mirdim, \u0259ksin\u0259 k\u0259nd\u0259 ged\u0259nd\u0259 ya\u011fdan, q\u0259ndd\u0259n v\u0259 atama çoxlu siqaret al\u0131b apar\u0131rd\u0131m. II kursda oxuyanda “Ulduz” jurnal\u0131nda 4 \u015feirim ç\u0131xm\u0131\u015fd\u0131. \u0130lk böyük 150 rubl qonorar\u0131 is\u0259 onda ald\u0131m. Bunlar h\u0259r biri ayr\u0131l\u0131qda unudulmaz özg\u0259 cür l\u0259z\u0259t, m\u0259mnunluq hissi idi. <\/p>\n

– Bu s\u0259n\u0259ti sev\u0259r\u0259kmi g\u0259lmisiz? <\/strong>
\n– Atam iki müharib\u0259d\u0259 i\u015ftirak el\u0259yib. Böyük V\u0259t\u0259n v\u0259 Sovet -Yaponiya müharib\u0259l\u0259rind\u0259. Ömür boyu traktorçu-mexanizator i\u015fl\u0259yib. Bolnisi rayonunun dem\u0259k olar ki, h\u0259r iri k\u0259ndind\u0259 i\u015fl\u0259mi\u015fdi dey\u0259, yax\u015f\u0131 tan\u0131y\u0131rd\u0131lar. Uzun zaman Rayon partya Komit\u0259sinin büro üzvü olmu\u015fdu. Pensiyaya ç\u0131xandan sonra heç yerd\u0259 i\u015fl\u0259m\u0259di, tamamil\u0259 f\u0259rdi t\u0259s\u0259rrüfata ba\u011fl\u0131 h\u0259yat sürdü. B\u0259dii kitablar oxuyurdu, kinoya gedirdi, tay-tu\u015fu il\u0259 domino oynay\u0131rd\u0131, mal-qara saxlay\u0131rd\u0131. Yer \u015fumlay\u0131r, \u0259kib-bec\u0259rirdi. H\u0259y\u0259timiz\u0259 meyv\u0259-t\u0259r\u0259v\u0259z ma\u015f\u0131nla g\u0259lirdi. Atam\u0131n ya\u015fl\u0131 ögey anas\u0131 vard\u0131. Atam ona çox do\u011fma v\u0259 xüsusi bir hörm\u0259tl\u0259 yana\u015f\u0131rd\u0131. Biz d\u0259 ana dey\u0259 ça\u011f\u0131r\u0131rd\u0131q. H\u0259r d\u0259f\u0259 g\u0259l\u0259nd\u0259 h\u0259y\u0259tin ortas\u0131yla l\u0259mh\u0259l\u0259m olan bu\u011fda, qar\u0131\u011fdal\u0131 topas\u0131n\u0131n q\u0131ra\u011f\u0131n\u0131 aya\u011f\u0131 it\u0259l\u0259yib deyirdi: bu and\u0131r\u0131 o yana y\u0131\u011fsan\u0131z, a. Varl\u0131 deyildik. Amma heç n\u0259d\u0259n kasad deyildik. Bu g\u0259lir yax\u015f\u0131 i\u015fl\u0259y\u0259n k\u0259nd \u0259halisinin bir y\u0131\u011f\u0131m mövsümünd\u0259 \u0259ld\u0259 etdiyi qazanc idi. 
\nAtam\u0131n dostlar\u0131 q\u0131\u015f\u0131n gündüz ça\u011flar\u0131nda biz\u0259 y\u0131\u011f\u0131\u015fard\u0131lar. Atam oxudu\u011fu romanlar\u0131 böyük h\u0259v\u0259sl\u0259 onlara na\u011f\u0131l ed\u0259rdi. Daha çox da Mayn Ridin “Ba\u015fs\u0131z atl\u0131”s\u0131n\u0131… Çox göz\u0259l t\u0259hkiy\u0259si vard\u0131. Müharib\u0259 xatir\u0259l\u0259rini el\u0259 dan\u0131\u015fard\u0131 ki, qulaq asd\u0131\u011fca \u0259ll\u0259rim bir-birin\u0259 sürtünm\u0259kd\u0259n t\u0259rl\u0259yirdi. \u018fd\u0259biyyata t\u0259bii h\u0259v\u0259s m\u0259nd\u0259 el\u0259 o vaxtlardan yaranm\u0131\u015fd\u0131. 3-cü sinifd\u0259 oxuyurdum. Bir gün atam\u0131n müharib\u0259 xatir\u0259l\u0259rinin t\u0259siri il\u0259 “Dü\u015fm\u0259n” adl\u0131 3 b\u0259ndlik \u015feir yazm\u0131\u015fd\u0131m. M\u0259nd\u0259n böyük qohumum, \u0259laç\u0131 \u015fagird olan \u018fliy\u0259 vermi\u015fdim. Nec\u0259 bir maraqla oxudu\u011funa t\u0259\u0259ccübl\u0259nirdim. \u015eeir dem\u0259k olmazd\u0131. Amma bir obraz vard\u0131 o m\u0259tnd\u0259, onu yarada bilmi\u015fdim. El\u0259 o zamandan ba\u015flad\u0131m yazma\u011fa… 
\nJurnalistika is\u0259 m\u0259nimçün sosial-ictimai statusu olan bir pe\u015f\u0259di. 1991-ci ild\u0259 BDU-nun jurnalistika fakült\u0259sini bitirmi\u015f\u0259m. El\u0259 h\u0259min ild\u0259n d\u0259 s\u0131rf professional jurnalistika il\u0259 m\u0259\u015f\u011ful olmu\u015fam. 14 il günd\u0259lik r\u0259smi q\u0259zetd\u0259 çal\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015fam. H\u0259r gün s\u0259ras\u0259r m\u0259qal\u0259 v\u0259 x\u0259b\u0259rl\u0259r yazm\u0131\u015fam. 12 ildir ki, Atatürk M\u0259rk\u0259zind\u0259 ba\u015f redaktor i\u015fl\u0259yir\u0259m. <\/p>\n

-Sev\u0259r\u0259k g\u0259ldiyiniz bu s\u0259n\u0259t gözl\u0259ntil\u0259rinizi do\u011fruldubmu?<\/strong>
\n– S\u0259n\u0259td\u0259n gözl\u0259ntim yax\u015f\u0131 v\u0259 s\u0259mimiyy\u0259tl\u0259 yazmaq olub. Çox ç\u0259tinlikl\u0259 çap olunmu\u015fam. 90-c\u0131 ill\u0259rd\u0259 \u0259d\u0259bi mücadil\u0259y\u0259 ill\u0259rim gedib. Müst\u0259qillik dövründ\u0259 ilk \u018fd\u0259bi Birliyi m\u0259n yaratm\u0131\u015fam. Yaz\u0131ç\u0131lar Birliyind\u0259 t\u0259dbirl\u0259r keçirirdik. Binaya buraxmaq ist\u0259mirdil\u0259r. Çünki orda \u0259d\u0259biyyatdan, YB-nin f\u0259aliyy\u0259tsizliyind\u0259n dan\u0131\u015f\u0131rd\u0131q. Bir d\u0259f\u0259 s\u0259drin kabinetind\u0259 \u015f\u0259hid \u015fairl\u0259rl\u0259 ba\u011fl\u0131 t\u0259dbir keçirirdik. \u0130clasda ilk t\u0259klifim bu oldu ki, Ülvi Bünyaz\u0259d\u0259nin, Nizami Ayd\u0131n\u0131n v\u0259 Al\u0131 Mustafayevin xatir\u0259 lövh\u0259si yarad\u0131ls\u0131n. Buna nail olduq da. T\u0259dbird\u0259 Anar Rzayev Fikr\u0259t Qocadan soru\u015fdu ki, o inqilabç\u0131 \u015fair deyil\u0259n budurmu? Sonra cavab gözl\u0259m\u0259d\u0259n q\u0259lyan\u0131 sümürüb yuxar\u0131 üfürdü… 
\nT\u0259\u0259ssüf ki, YB-nin r\u0259hbirliyi m\u0259nd\u0259n özün\u0259 qar\u015f\u0131 inqilabç\u0131 obraz\u0131 düz\u0259ltmi\u015fdi. Ona gör\u0259 d\u0259 b\u0259zil\u0259rini ça\u011f\u0131r\u0131b v\u0259dl\u0259r verir, s\u0131ram\u0131zdan ay\u0131r\u0131rd\u0131lar. Onlar da söz apar\u0131b g\u0259tirirdil\u0259r, \u0259d\u0259biyyat\u0131 qeyb\u0259t\u0259 çevirir, donosbazl\u0131q edirdil\u0259r. Ona gör\u0259 bu m\u0259s\u0259l\u0259l\u0259rd\u0259n uzaqla\u015fd\u0131m. \u0130stedadl\u0131 g\u0259ncl\u0259ri ç\u0259kinm\u0259d\u0259n müdafi\u0259 etdiyimçün t\u0259nqid d\u0259 olunmu\u015fam, pax\u0131ll\u0131q da, q\u0131sqancl\u0131q da, h\u0259s\u0259d d\u0259 görmü\u015f\u0259m. Do\u011fru sayd\u0131\u011f\u0131m yoldan dönm\u0259mi\u015f\u0259m. Ad\u0131m siyah\u0131lardan, t\u0259ltif v\u0259 mükafatlatdan k\u0259narda qal\u0131b. 1997-ci ild\u0259n 2014-cü il\u0259d\u0259k AYB-nin \u0130dar\u0259 hey\u0259tinin üzvü olmu\u015fam. Amma \u0130H-nin bir iclas\u0131na bel\u0259 d\u0259v\u0259t etm\u0259yibl\u0259r. Bunun s\u0259b\u0259bl\u0259ri m\u0259lum idi. \u0130st\u0259mirdil\u0259r ki, o iclaslarda obyektiv t\u0259nqid s\u0259sl\u0259nsin. 1997-ci ild\u0259 “A\u011f kitab” adl\u0131 ilk \u015feirl\u0259r kitab\u0131m\u0131n g\u0259rgin müzakir\u0259si keçmi\u015fdi. Sabah\u0131 gün öyr\u0259dilmi\u015f g\u0259ncl\u0259rd\u0259n biri q\u0259zetd\u0259 yazm\u0131\u015fd\u0131 ki, guya bu \u015feirl\u0259rd\u0259 Avropa üçün dar\u0131xan türk atlar\u0131n\u0131n ayaq s\u0259sl\u0259ri duyulur. H\u0259tta m\u0259ni pantürkist adland\u0131ran g\u0259nc h\u0259mkarlar da vard\u0131… <\/p>\n

1997-ci ild\u0259 Az\u0259rbaycan Prezidenti Heyd\u0259r \u018fliyev g\u0259nc yazarlarla görü\u015f keçirdi. Dövl\u0259t ba\u015fç\u0131s\u0131 yüks\u0259k demokratizm göst\u0259r\u0259r\u0259k ham\u0131n\u0131 diqq\u0259tl\u0259 dinl\u0259yir, ür\u0259k sözünü dem\u0259sin\u0259 imkan yarad\u0131rd\u0131. Görü\u015f qar\u015f\u0131l\u0131ql\u0131 dialoq \u015f\u0259klind\u0259 davam edirdi. Orda m\u0259n d\u0259 ç\u0131x\u0131\u015f ed\u0259r\u0259k YB-nin f\u0259aliyy\u0259tini t\u0259nqid etdim. G\u0259nc istedadl\u0131 yazarlara Birliyin strukturunda, \u0259d\u0259bi orqanlarda yer verilm\u0259si, t\u0259qaüd ayr\u0131lmas\u0131 bar\u0259d\u0259 t\u0259klifl\u0259r verdim. B\u0259zi m\u0259sul yaz\u0131ç\u0131lar\u0131n sif\u0259tl\u0259rind\u0259 özüm\u0259 qar\u015f\u0131 yaranan ikrah v\u0259 q\u0259z\u0259b q\u0131zartlar\u0131n\u0131 aç\u0131qca görürdüm. Sonralar heç ortada \u0259m\u0259lli bir \u0259s\u0259ri olmayan g\u0259ncl\u0259r d\u0259 i\u015f\u0259 c\u0259lb edildi, t\u0259qaüd d\u0259 ayr\u0131ld\u0131. O t\u0259dbir\u0259 mü\u0259yy\u0259n vasit\u0259l\u0259rl\u0259 m\u0259qs\u0259dli \u015f\u0259kild\u0259 qat\u0131lanlar vard\u0131. Onlar da vaxt\u0131nda da bunun b\u0259hr\u0259sini yax\u015f\u0131ca gördül\u0259r. Amma t\u0259klifl\u0259ri ir\u0259li sür\u0259n m\u0259n – i\u015fd\u0259n d\u0259, 2008-ci il\u0259d\u0259k t\u0259qaüdd\u0259n d\u0259 k\u0259narda qald\u0131m. Soru\u015fanda da deyirdil\u0259r: g\u0259ncl\u0259r ham\u0131s\u0131 özünü istedadl\u0131 say\u0131r, h\u0259r k\u0259si nec\u0259 t\u0259min ed\u0259k?! Sözsüz, bu cür yana\u015fmalar psxoloji t\u0259sir vasit\u0259si idi. V\u0259 bu gün d\u0259 bu yekn\u0259s\u0259kliyi davam etdirirl\u0259r. 
\n\u018fd\u0259biyyat idar\u0259çiliyi bir t\u0259s\u0259rrüfat s\u0259ciyy\u0259si da\u015f\u0131y\u0131r. F\u0259rdi münasib\u0259tl\u0259r, regionçuluq timsal\u0131nda qrupla\u015fmalar hökm sürdüyü halda \u0259d\u0259biyyat\u0131n inki\u015faf\u0131ndan söhb\u0259t ged\u0259 bilm\u0259z. Köklü d\u0259yi\u015fiklik olmasa, h\u0259r k\u0259s do\u011fru yerind\u0259 olmasa, \u0259dal\u0259t-haqq gözl\u0259nilm\u0259s\u0259, h\u0259qiqi istedad qiym\u0259tl\u0259ndirilm\u0259s\u0259, \u0259d\u0259biyyat al\u0259mind\u0259 h\u0259rc- m\u0259rclik davam ed\u0259c\u0259k. \u018fd\u0259biyyat f\u0259rdl\u0259rin c\u0131l\u0131z hissl\u0259ri, m\u0259nafel\u0259ri ç\u0259rçiv\u0259sind\u0259n ç\u0131x\u0131b mill\u0259tin ümumi ruhu, \u0259xlaq\u0131 s\u0259viyy\u0259sin\u0259 qalxmal\u0131d\u0131r.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

"Ucnoqta.az" sayt\u0131 q\u0259zeti tan\u0131nm\u0131\u015f \u015fair-publisist, Az\u0259rbaycanda Atatürk M\u0259rk\u0259zinin ba\u015f redaktoru D\u0259yan\u0259t Osmanl\u0131n\u0131n xatir\u0259l\u0259rinin II hiss\u0259sini siz\u0259 t\u0259qdim edir. -Keçmi\u015fl\u0259 ba\u011fl\u0131 \u0259n maraql\u0131 xatir\u0259niz?  – Xatir\u0259l\u0259rd\u0259ki obrazlar \u0259ziz v\u0259 unudulmazd\u0131r. M\u0259n…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":251278,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_lmt_disableupdate":"","_lmt_disable":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[106],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-56587","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-edebiyyat"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ucnoqta.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/56587","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ucnoqta.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ucnoqta.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ucnoqta.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ucnoqta.az\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=56587"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/ucnoqta.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/56587\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ucnoqta.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/251278"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ucnoqta.az\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=56587"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ucnoqta.az\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=56587"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ucnoqta.az\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=56587"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}